On freedom.

What had started as my most passionate inquiry has, for a time, been thrown to chance and disorder, the two fundamental forces I can claim with certainty to know of this, our universe. Though not the concern itself the matter relates all too entirely to humanity, as all things do, and its greatest creation: God. Or rather, the denial of God. Nietzsche wrote "We deny God, we deny the responsibility of God, it is only thus that we will deliver the world." Deliver indeed, how else can mankind be separated from the slavery of the divine, the murderous deity who sins against man himself with rational indifference? He sits atop his clay throne built of the earthly bodies of his servants weighing no more himself than the electric current running between the synapses of our minds; God is an idea that has been abolished, we have found him dead in our contemporaries, this has, presumably, delivered us unto freedom, a waking nihilistic thought that tries and fails to support itself in itself. What then does it deliver us unto? Is it freedom? I'd propose that it is a condition of sorts, insight breeds contempt, contempt for law, and in this case dissolves primitive faith. This contempt reaches far into the corners of our minds where the most primeval of all commandments has embedded itself, our desire, our need, our insistence in order, this is the consequence of nihilism, a full abandonment, to willfully enter the desert and tend to our furtive wastelands for the first time in our lives. What comes of this negation? Asceticism is not an action that comes without implication and it has been said "to raise a new sanctuary, a sanctuary must be destroyed, that is the law." If one wants to carve a path for himself, he must also be ready to destroy all values, but more important, he must be prepared to once again submit. This is the central point of my concern, man needs law to exist. Moral law is derelict, judgment itself are based on reality with an almost romantic desire for what could be, what is ideal, but what is ideal does not exist because it has died along with God. What have we to look at then? The answer is complex, but can be summarized by saying that we look to ourselves and the eidolons we erect in place of old delusions, there is a method to our madness, to aimlessly act is not the nature of man in revolt or amongst other men. This is no longer a question of morality, which can also be separated from a divine entity, but an issue of own's own choices in a world devoid of all-encompassing authority, a reality that is difficult to process and even harder still to put into action, this is what Nietzsche considers the new form of anguish and happiness, the first steps into a winding chaos that a man emptied of himself and others takes. Man is then responsible for all things, he is alone and exiled, he wanders in "endless search for justification, aimless nostalgia", man has no home but what he creates in the sanctuary of his mind. This is the new burden of man: freedom. This too is my great concern, that weightless leviathan that lords over my subconscious, how can one prohibit an action, to choose one thing over the other without standardized value being applied? One can be a servant to the chaos of humanity, and this so-called freedom we have come to think we know exists only in the mind, and even there it is threatened by reason- the conclusion is startling, and, as Camus has said, freedom exists only in a world where what is possible is defined at the same time as what is not possible. Freedom is a paradox bordering on nonsense, a logical fallacy, a conceptual jigsaw born out of necessity, juxtapose slavery and freedom and you will find we are slave to both simultaneously at all times, humanity itself is the burden. It is admissible then for man to find himself under law just as easily as he found himself out of it, it is a realization that brings us full circle. We have started as blind servants, our eyes unfolded, we let light flood into the recesses of perception and became drunk on lucidity, but the spectrum itself is mostly invisible to us, once the glow had faded we looked once again and saw in its place a hollow master, we saw ourselves. More importantly, we saw not only the relative necessity of ourselves, but, like the universe, the relative necessity of structure amidst the apparent chaos. We are no more adept at brazing disorder than the heralds of existence themselves, the disciplined atom, we fall to the same geometric trap, but ours is a conceptual prison, we are bound to what we wish to be.