An ad hoc introduction.

This is a personal blog that I will be keeping. In many ways it'll serve as a cathartic tool; to expunge just what I am not quite sure yet. To begin, some days I feel as if my sense of self is slipping, my mind disassociates itself from what is known as "I", perhaps it is the same symptoms D'aquili explained in one of his many research papers on the state of consciousness and perception relating to the world around us (or at least, what we perceive to be 'around us'). A temporary dissociative loss of ego would perhaps be the best way to describe it, the differences between myself and the natural world around me narrows, I no longer identify with rhombos (which will be my name from hereon) and perhaps it would be folly to call it a feeling, so let us for now dub it an eloquent kinship for all things universal and subatomic that overtakes me. An atom is no longer an atom in function, but an atom in being, its existence is no longer defined by its relationship to other objects in existence but rather relative to itself, to its essence, to what it truly is- which I am starting to realize we do not understand all that well, if at all. The precedent for this confusion has been set for well over a century with Thompson's infamous discovery of the electron and the subsequently inspired experiments, such as the gold foil experiment, that have in a way complicated our understanding of the building blocks of matter. Of course, it is now evident that we need not be confused by a mere set of three elementary particles (electron, neutron and proton) but a whole host of bosons, fermions, mesons, and quarks- who also, by the way, exist in a rich variety of 'flavors and colors'- as well as plethora of exotic subatomic particles that have been considered elementary since their discovery, an event that has left scientists somewhat baffled as they attempt to sort out which of the thousands upon thousands are indeed actually elementary.
Barring any further digressions, I believe this serves as an adequate introduction to the dilemma at hand, which is still, I am afraid, somewhat vague and nonspecific. It should bear repeating then that this exists mostly as an archival tool designed to keep my thoughts ordered as sometimes an idea would overtake me and it would seem as if nothing else matters... in fact sometimes my only desire is for the world to fall apart, to crumble at its foundations and leave only me and my thoughts so I could consider and expand them forever, I wish for everyone to disappear, relationships of all manners become inconsequantial and all that matters is understanding these almost prophetic epiphanies, these bits and crumbs of understanding that tear off ever so quietly and succintly from the frayed, yet unbearably elegant fabric of reality. I listen and watch for them every day in the folds of space, I can't help but be fascinated by their existence. All in due time, I suppose, because when there is no time it is apparent that we have all the time in the universe.